About 2 years ago, after I closed the door of my past which was holding me back from everything that I’ve come across from little to massive risks, I did take a short break to think about what I wanted to do next, so I grabbed my coffee and stayed in the middle of my favourite street back at home. While I was raising my head, the first thing I saw was the sunrise, it was 5am if I’m not wrong, was like a blaze of pale yellow towards the horizon. This was the day that I promised myself not letting my past to take back the power of possession. So I did not.
Sitting unconsciously between two worlds the past and near future was giving me absolute headaches since I wanted to stop it. To stop life happening in front of me everyday while I was passing by.
And from that moment on, having in mind what I really wanted to do, I decided to move out of the country which I’ve spent almost all of my best moments with my absolute favourite human beings. On the exact same day, I took a piece of paper and a pen and drew what the ideal life might look to me on the paper. I must admit, it was shocking. I got beyond muddled up, happiness was overloaded by a piece of paper. Then I thought; was this even possible?
Yeah, I was ready to move out and on from everything that I have been through in the past 17 years. Was this what I wanted to do? Well, yeah I might say that. Due to the fact that I was deep in need of a change not because I wasn’t consider myself as a happy person since I was. However, even the word “change” was racing my heart at that period of my life.
For the ones that know me, I found myself in “Istanbul” doing psychology(lol, yeah I did). Was I happy? Nope.
-then change it I said to myself, if you’re not happy there is no point to feel stuck in it
Then, after 5 months, I guess, I found myself in an absolute amazing city which I hadn’t even had a clue about whatsoever.
-then discover it I said to myself, discover LONDON!←
Now, as far as I can see, it’s been 2 years since I closed my eyes and took the risk no matter what might the consequences be.
-then be happy I said to myself, be enormously happy, might look a tiny achievement to some of you but it was huge to me so I kept saying it, BE HAPPY
Looking back, I did achieve something, something new.
Looking back, I did meet plenty of pure souls that inspired and keep inspiring me to the fullest.
Looking back, I did have the days which I considered myself as a total mess. And it’s okay. It’s okay to be a mess.”There is nothing wrong with bleeding from time to time, as long as we remain calm and count the drops from our bleeding wrists one by one. Slowly, like the sea levels rise and fall throughout the day, we shall count the drops until dusk and until the morning sun.”
Looking back, I did change. Completely. Not even carrying a tiny sign of the old me.
And looking back, I did feel lonely at times. And it’s okay. It’s okay to be lonely. But it doesn’t mean that you’re introvert or alone. It doesn’t need to become a stigma. Yet it does need to be a process, a process which you actually start having your own peace while discovering yourself. When was the last time you got stuck in bed reading a novel only by yourself, or decided to cross the street alone, enter a restaurant and order whatever the people from next table ordered, without feeling like decomposing? I’m not saying it’s for everyone, like leaving your country isn’t. But it feels damn good to be at peace like that. And you know what? It’s perfectly healthy.
You beautiful soul, it’s your time to take the risk. For once, focus on the present moment. Life is both short and pretty long, charming and tedious. It’s all just a matter of perspective which creates your own hell and heaven. Focus on the second, from now on.
As one once said;
Bad news is:
You cannot make people like, love , understand, validate, accept or be nice to you.
You cannot control them either.
—————-
Good news is:
It doesn’t matter.
Thanks for your company dear stranger.
suanasolakcom.wordpress.com 